Shawna S of Shellsburg, IA

There were many things I could have told you about my life that would have been worth a charm of its own. But there is a story I would like to tell people because I believe it is a story worth being told. People come in and out of our lives like the wind goes through your hair. One second you can feel it go through every strand on your head, then it softly kisses your face and then it's gone. It's sad that sometimes this is how our relationships are with people we love and care about. The time that we share with people on this planet can end at the drop of a dime, no questions asked and sometimes with no answers. My first charm would have to be the letter "W" (charm #0817). W is the first letter in the name of Wade.

10 years ago I met a very special person in my life. He changed the way I looked at things, made me laugh constantly and showed me the value of a true friend and how to love life no matter what we had going on. Which brings me to my second charm, Live Laugh Love (charm #7837). I was only happy to call him my boyfriend and even from miles across these states it seemed so easy because we had an emotional bond that was so much bigger than us living down the street from one another. December 4th would be his birthday. He would be 30 this year. That is why I picked the sign of Sagittarius (charm #4781).

We met when I was 19. I remember it like it was yesterday. We met on AOL. Yes AOL but it wasn't until we were 21 that we finally got to see each other. But over the course of the 2 years before we actually met we got to get to know each other in a way that most people never get the chance. We got to know each other's stories and intimate thoughts about everything, every day. We spent so many hours on the phone. I can remember so many of them as if the conversation was still fresh in my head. That bond would form an ever-lasting footprint on my heart. For that reason I picked a heart (charm #6021) and the footprint (charm #2260). No one had ever made me feel the way he did. I can still hear his giggle in my head I can still hear the laughter that of him and I as we would talk about our days. Over the years we would go for months not talking to each other but we would always find our way back to the other person. For this I picked charm together and kissing (charm #3263). His cell phone never never changed so I always had a way to keep in touch. No matter where he was in life or where I was and who we both had been dating it always ended back at one. Us. It was just so hard because he was in Texas and I was in Iowa. The connection the two of us shared was undeniable. I will never forget an instance where it was just him and I up at the time, we were on the phone and it was quiet. I am not even sure for whatever reason I was thinking it but I was thinking, "Trix are for Kids." At the very moment I thought it, it had come out of his mouth. I freaked out and it was an unexplainable thing. We laughed and laughed about it and from then on whenever he called me he would just out of nowhere say "HEY, guess what? Trix are for kids." Its something I will remember forever.

Wade had an amazing way of capturing my soul and making everything perfect. Our first Valentines Day together (back before everyone had a CD burner) he had a CD made for me online. He put together a list of songs; a lot of which I had never heard but one song on that CD has always stood out to me as the song that I remember Wade by. It was called Moments by a band called Westlife. A band I would have never heard of if he hadn't brought them to my attention. They are a European boy type band but nonetheless I would have never listened to that song if it wouldn't have been for Wade putting it on that CD. The lyrics to that song stick in my head and I can't help but think about him every time I think of the song. If he had never given me that CD it would have never lead me to another song by the same band that makes everything make so much sense. This CD is very special to me and that is why I picked charm the compact disc (charm #3459).

So the reason all of this is so hard for me is that 3 and a half years ago Wade and I had a bit of a falling out. We were at a stand still in life but I was getting ready to move to Chicago for a job and he had asked me to move to Texas to be close to him. I'm having a hard time remembering if we talked after that, I don't think we did. The conversation ended with some heated words and I never heard from him again. No matter what was going on in our lives we always remembered to call the other on our birthdays. If we were mad at the other one, we forgot it and just called. When I didn't receive a phone call from him and I didn't hear from him in the days after that I figured he must have been very upset with me and he moved on. Of course at that time I couldn't call him, I was just as hard headed as he was. A few months had gone by and I hadn't heard anything from him. I tried to call his cell finally wondering how he could be that mad at me and the number wasn't his anymore. "You have reached a Sprint PCS phone number, the number you have dialed is not in service." Then I knew he must have really been upset knowing that was the only way I had to reach him. It was hard for me to move on after that. There were so many things that had to be said that hadn't been said. I wondered daily what he was doing and who he may have been with. Maybe he found someone and he was happy. The second year had gone by since not hearing from him and I had searched for him on Myspace on Face book and nothing. I did remember him telling me he HATED social networking sites so when I came up with nothing I thought nothing of it, I just figured he wasn't on the sites. That was like Wade though. Never wanted to conform to anything. I remember when he was at college and wanted to pledge a fraternity, he hated it every moment. Had a hard time listening to other guys. Those days were hard for him and I am sure I didn't make it any better. lol

So July of this year I had been thinking about Wade as I so often did. Me being a googler I decided well, I will just google him and see if anything comes up. Some days I wish I hadn't. I googled his name and the first thing I see is: Wade Wallace Scoggins, 26, died in Grand Prairie on May 15, 2006. Wade was killed tragically in a car accident the day before I would have received a call. My birthday. Some days I wonder if I had not decided to google him if wondering where he was and how happy he was would have been better for me. He had been gone for 3 years but it felt like it had just happened when I found out. I couldn't breathe it felt like someone had taken the life out of me and every day since I have known a part of me has been missing. Everyone of the last 10 years has asked me why I have not just settled down and got into a serious relationship. Well I had always somewhere inside of me believed that no matter what I was going to end up with Wade. I think he did too. This is why I picked the charm 5623, because I will never stop loving him (charm #5623).

We always laughed and joked about if we hadn't found anyone by the age of 30 then we would just get married. I would have married him in a heartbeat. The one person that had he proposed to me I would have been down there in a heartbeat. It's hard to go through life comparing every man you meet to someone like Wade. Does he look like him? Does he smile like him? Does he make me laugh like him? When I had found out I reached out and I contacted Wades sister on facebook. It was so tough waiting to hear back from her. I didn't know what she would say to me but she did say something that brought me great comfort. She told me that she had no doubt of the connection Wade and I shared. After he passed they had gone through some of his things and in his wallet he had two photos. One of his niece and one of me. It meant so much for me to know that. That up until he had passed he held me in his heart just as much as he had been in mine. That is why I picked the guardian angel charm (charm #3387). I know that Wade is up there somewhere looking over me because now I know that I meant so very much to him. So to Wade I want to add the last charm #7794 - I love you in ASL (charm #7794). The reason for that is because over the last year I have lost a lot of hearing, something he would understand and help me through if he were here. Wade you are and will be forever in my heart. But I am sure you know that. Cause when I look at my life, How the pieces fall into place... It just wouldn't rhyme without you. When I see how my path seems to end up before your face. The state of my heart, The place where we are, Was written in the stars...

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